Happy Feet

I never thought I would make a blog about relationship-type issues, but I suppose this is also relevant to any human encounters we make in our lifetimes. A personal fault that I have come to realize is my quest for other people's happiness even at the expense of my own. This utilitarian approach is becoming burdensome, and what is most unsettling is that I don't have the resolve to change. I always aim to please because I cannot stand the feeling of being responsible for someone else's sadness, disappointment, anger, whatever. One could also say that I am too self-conscious of others' opinions and criticisms, so in that sense I appease the masses because it means less negativity directed my way.

I became particularly aware of harsh criticism this past weekend when my dance group held our spring auditions. Upon discussing who to admit, our members were brutally honest, which was necessary but also discomforting. It reminded me of all my failed pursuits at this university, where everything seems to be a competition. And with all the talent concentrated on one small campus, the competition is fierce. Academically, of course, but even socially with the eating club institutions. I apologize for the despondent tone, but it's just the reality. And when I graduate and enter the pool of job applicants, will I stay afloat?

I'm guessing that the answer is yes, but my future is still muddled up in uncertainty.