ChoreOh No

I'm about to go to sleep, but I figured I should get this out of my head already. So this evening, my dance group showcased our ideas for pieces for our upcoming spring show. My contribution was a "mini-piece" to fit within someone else's. Briefly, the piece as a whole is centered around a student listening to an iPod, and daydreaming and switching different tracks on his or her device.

I'm just disappointed. Not with my collaborators (they were actually amazing and entertaining!), but with myself. I had a vision, and my choreography reflects that, but due to 1) my limited/awkward dancing ability; 2) lack of self-confidence; and 3) my naturally shy disposition; I forgot so much of the choreo and essentially did not "feel" the music. So what I had envisioned never came to fruition, and it came across as a nervous wreck, a series of jutting moves and misplaced timing. Of course, there are roughly six weeks until the actual show, so there is plenty of time for improvement. But I just fear that instead of garnering enthusiasm for my piece, it drew questioning stares... and doubts... and grimacing faces.

But with all that behind me now, I can look forward to the rest of my week. I have my second meeting for my dance class (this one an actual university course structured around modern and contemporary styles), a meeting with my thesis advisor (who I haven't spoken in person with since last year), and a performance for a Chinese New Year banquet. And then next week, apparently Columbia is hosting an all-Ivy environmental career fair, so I intend to figure out how to get there and hopefully have a better idea of what I want to do after I graduate. *sigh*

I guess this is how I cope with disappointment. I simply keep my eyes forward and distract myself with optimism. That, or just sleep it off.