Public?

I'm debating whether or not to make this blog public. And by public, I mean making it known to everyone that knows me through Facebook. Princeton is for the most part over, so I'm no longer as inhibited. But there are of course many people who I'd rather not disclose this blog to, and if I could pick and choose that would be ideal, but I don't think it matters anymore. In fact, I could chop off my limbs and still count the number of people who actually care about me. And then there are high school friends, most (if not every one of them) I truly regret losing touch with. I didn't think being a whole country away would be an issue, but I seemed to have isolated myself from the very friends that cared for me the most. I mean, who would make you a princess story picturebook with pressable, musical buttons? Real friends, unconditional friends. Friends. Period. Finally, there's the small trickle of recent high school grads who are excitedly embracing the magic of Facebook for the first time. These are mostly my sister's friends, and no doubt my sister will soon be clicking her friend invite my way.

In other words, many people will probably stumble upon this blog. Some will be appalled, some will be sympathetic, some will cringe, some will laugh (in good and bad ways). Many will think it's sad and pathetic. Some will think it's so stupid, like why would I expose myself so vulnerably? I might even lose friends. But who knows, maybe someone will actually want to read more. If that's YOU, please comment or message or something of the sort ^_^ please plz plz. Also, I apologize in advance for anyone's names that appear in previous entries... I only used first names (I think) so I guess you're still somewhat anonymous??

I'm mostly afraid that people that I once thought were friends will be disgusted at what really goes on in my head. Four years ago, my life seemed on track and honestly honestly I smiled all the time. Now, I think I'm sick, need help, and all that morbid junk. "Who is that sad person?" asked Nigel (bald guy from The Devil Wears Prada). That, sir, would be me.

Now it's just too late
And we can't go back
I'm sorry
I can't be perfect.

Oh my, did I really just make those references?

But really, before any of you worry... I still have so much love to give. I'm not giving up. I'm still the same ol' amazing Antz. It's just another obstacle to prove why I've made it this far :)