They Come in Swarms

The pre-frosh have invaded the campus! They travel in groups, wear nametags around their necks, and possess the sort of excitement that will, in due course, fade into jadedness. Oh to be a pre-frosh again, to be pampered and to question. To brag about high school accomplishments, SAT scores. To introduce yourself over and over again. California? Northern or southern? What city? To turn down other wonderful schools, and to finally take your place among the best and brightest...

With a senior thesis breathing down my neck, slathering me with hickeys galore, I die a little inside each time I stroll by any such pre-frosh gatherings. A part of me wants to rip off my shackles and yell to them, "Don't take the plunge!" But then a greater part of me wants to give them all hugs and sunshines. So what to do??

Kidnap a pre-frosh and have him or her write the darn thing for me.