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Uncertainty.

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Skinny Jeans

The most I've ever weighed was 115 lbs. Normally, I'm somewhere around 111. This past week, I jumped all the way to 119.5 lbs. OMG.

A.C.

So, yesterday was a pretty fun day. I visited my friend Sandra up in Glendale. We walked around the Glendale Galleria and the surrounding shops, and I even learned about a dazzling store called Ed Hardy. Too shiny for me. We also ventured into Gilly Hicks, one of A&F's cousins the skinny saleslady told us. The store's layout was gorgeous and felt like some upscale studio. There were bras and panties of every possible shade, too. Uhh.. why am I talking about this?! Moving on.. There was an old-fashioned trolley that twisted its way around the plaza, but the conductor refused us service. Haha, because the trolley was on break. Then we had crepes; I had a raspberry chicken one, and it's too bad I don't remember the name of the vendor because it was delectable.

But, I had to eat it while driving on the way to the CBS studio. There, we waited outside, sitting on benches, face-to-face with future studio audience friends. It was a re-creation of the walk-of-shame of the Rocky dining hall, with all eyes focused on you as you made your way down the aisle. After an hour?? they finally ushered us in.

So there we sat, watching a taping for MTV's Top Pop Group. The set-up was just like ABDC, except with singers and different judges. Overall, it was just all right. I don't think this show will be as huge of a sensation.

The highlight was seeing Mario Lopez, the host of the show, in person. When he's not chatting with the performers on stage, he's in different locations around the audience. Luckily, we were sitting right next to one of those platforms. He's so pretty.

We also saw Chris Elwood. We couldn't figure out who he was at the time and he was just part of the stage crew, but he looked so familiar. Sandra thought he was in Jacka**. I thought he was on Punk'd. After the show, we went up to him, and he told us that he was an actor, and that he was on the first season of Punk'd. Yay! I win! And then when I got home and looked him up, I found out that he was one of Jeff's fired assistants on Flipping Out! So that's where I've seen him too. He also looks like Josh Duhamel, so I was even more confused.

But now I have a wristband competition with Sandra that I'm going to win. The challenge is to see who can keep his/hers on the longest. I'm not going to lose!!!!

Go Obama and Friends!

Day 3: Fullertons

Today my site location was Cal State Fullerton, where my sister is actually enrolled as a freshman. It seems that I'm showing up way too early for these things, because I'm always the first one there. I suppose I anticipate heavy traffic each morning, so I make an effort to leave super early.

I strolled around campus for a bit, observing the college folk and the frats and sororities encouraging new faces to rush. I was even sitting at an empty bench when a young lady with a camera approached me to do a video interview regarding 9/11. I simply told her I wasn't a student. After finding my team, we went through more training and roleplay. Afterwards, we headed to the student union to check in, but the administrator there had the scheduling all messed up. It turns out that we didn't have permission to set up a table today. So after I got all excited about meeting all these college students, we had to switch locations.

Soooo.. we moved to Fullerton College just a few minutes away. After the disappointing past two days, I was ecstatic when I managed to sign up two new members!

But that wasn't the best part. As I was chatting with a student, someone approached me out of nowhere... and it was Reca!!! It's been four years since I've seen her, and even though I was still on the job, I didn't care and just spent a good chunk of time chatting and catching up with her. As we departed, we hugged each other, but I didn't notice my supervisor/team leader looking on. We don't normally hug the people we encounter, so I'm sure he was thinking I was wasting precious time not doing my job.

Despite all my efforts of throwing myself out there, waving people down, hollering for their attention, I didn't meet the quota that all new trainees were supposed to meet by the third day. As disappointing as it should have been, it was a great opportunity to reconsider my skills and how I'm choosing to apply my energies. Because I fell short, I wasn't technically allowed to make it onto the staff. And because we had the scheduling mix-up today, I was granted an extra hour to make up that last part of the requirement on Wednesday.

But deep down inside, I knew that trying so hard to make the staff was only going to make me even more miserable. Even with the job secured, I was only going to complain every day that I came home. So tonight, I had a chat with my team leader, and realizing that canvassing isn't one of my strengths, I'm going to pursue other things within our organization, but I won't find out about what those are until the next general meeting Wednesday night.

In summary, I'm no longer forcing myself to abandon my personality and happiness. I'm still "working" for Greenpeace, but hopefully in a manner wherein I can be of greater service.

Day 2: Seal Beach

2nd day, just as miserable. breezy... but not easy and beautiful.

Those of you who've spent enough time with me know that I hardly speak, it's just my nature. Now picture me walking up to complete strangers and engaging in conversations with them about environmental issues. 7 hours of talking, pretty much non-stop. Then there's the art of persuasion, which I suck at.

I'm trying to be somebody I'm not, and it's frustrating. Common sense and intuition tells me that this ain't the right job for me, but I don't know what to do now. I'm still in the training period, so evaluations are coming up soon. I have no idea whether they'll still keep me, whether they'll want to fire me, or whether I'll want to quit. The last two options are where I'm headed...

I'm very persistent and I don't give up. But I just wonder if forcing myself to be so outspoken is the right thing to do. I'm certainly not as happy as I used to be.

Ugh, and my nose is starting to peel after Friday's sunburn :(

Day 1: Newport Pier

I just got home from work, and then I went to my room to cry.

I Can Has Job?